Hello all! It's been a long time eh? To be quite honest I completely forgot that I owned a blog until today. I was cooking and found myself at pivotal point in my life and thought "this would make a good blog" and then laughed. So...
Today has been epic. It was a day that housewives near and far wait impatiently for all year long. HOLIDAY BAKING DAY. I was going to start small. Getting my toes slightly wet and then jumping in the deep end with no floaties!!! I started with a cherry pistachio nougat from a blogger on bonappetit.com and I was slightly intimidated because, well, this recipe calls for the use of a candy thermometer.
Oh, beloved candy thermometer. My arch rival and evil nemesis. For those of you who don't bake or cook I'll try to put it into terms you would understand. It's like I'm Han Solo and the thermometer is Jabba the Hut. I would use the reference of Luke and Darth, but Darth is his father and there is always a place in one's heart for father. But NOT Jabba. He's evil. He enjoys humiliating others and...he has a bitch on a leash. I AM MY CANDY THERMOMETER'S BITCH! It has taken me down time after time without fail. It has me on a leash and, yes, at times I feel just as vulnerable (but not nearly as naked) as Princess Leah.
So today I pulled the meaningless coking tool out of the back of the drawer where it lies, cob-webbed and all, looked at it in the face and said "TODAY...YOUR ASS IS MINE BEUHLER." And then 20 minutes later failed at my nougat. Ugh...it was runny and shiny and all things nougat aren't! Once again the thermometer failed me. Candy...stupid candy!!! Why do I even try?
As I was vigorously scrubbing the crusted sugar off the sides of my pan, I looked over at my pistachios and cherries. Unused. Perfectly baked and prepared for savory and delicious candy. "Damn it," I thought. Suddenly it was getting hot. I took off my sweater, threw on my apron, tightened the strap (double knotted it even) and marched over to my recipe cards. I was searching pile after pile looking for something yet nothing at the same time and...there it was.
DIVINITY!
No really, divinity. A complete lack of nutrient candy that consists of a little egg white and a boat load of sugar. Also, my worst enemy. Every housewife's enemy who has attempted to make it, surely. Side note: If you have not had the pleasure of making this treat, I highly recommend it. It will make you a stronger person.
Before I go on, let us take a moment to discuss "divinity." The definition of Divinity is: Theology. Aka: the study of religious faith, practice and experience. Ah yes, clearly whomever named this treat knew exactly how stubborn and impossible it is.
OK! Back to the kitchen! I was about to attempt (for the umpteenth time) a recipe which I have NEVER succeeded. A recipe in which I have attempted to conquer since I was a teenager. One that I heard horror story after horror story of women in their kitchens trying to succeed and all have failed and I, Erika Kaetlyn Rusk, was ready for failure...again. Now, to say that at this point in my day I was a tad delusional is an understatement. Today was apparently not a day for joyous baking but for holiday disaster. I was ready to go down, kamikaze style.
With pot in hand, I poured the the sugar and water and tightly secured my thermometer to the side of it cold metal rim, turned the burner on high and I waited. And then waited some more. and then I stirred, I mixed, I sat, I poured, I watched, I straddled (yes, I straddled. I straddled my KitchenAid like none other thinking that because I was hanging on to it for dear life that it, in return, would whip for dear life) and I sweat. I watched the thermometer rise and fall and rise and fall...and rise again. Alas, it reached 260. I poured the candy sugar into the stiff peaks of egg whites and whipped. And when my KitchenAid looked like it was about to burst into flames I took it off and whipped some more (by hand). And when I thought my arm was going to fall off and drop to the kitchen floor I called in my husband and HE whipped some more. And then, ladies and gentlemen, something happened. Something in which could only be describes as a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE happened.
Ladies and Gentlemen....I MADE DIVINITY!!!!!!
And now, dear sweet candy thermometer...YOU are MY bitch!
